Moving on

Moving on from the awful things that had happened. This was my way to focus my mind on moving forward, how I could do it, what I was aiming for. Collage, gel pens, quotes.

Hate

This was me pouring out how I felt about the people who had done some awful things to me. Hate may not be a popular word to use but, it is how I felt and I needed to express it. The use of images fit in well too and made me feel better too.

Who are you?

This page was done at a time when I felt I needed to take a good look at myself.  The central page reflects me - a Leo. The rest were mostly me questioning myself, the kind of person I was / am. It was hard to do and hard to look back at. It is also crowded. close and detailed, usually a sign in me that I am finding something hard or, unhappy about something.

What I feel about them

This page is about how I felt about the people who had done awful things to me. It was honest, difficult to express but, got it out of me. Tissue paper, magazine pieces, words from books and magazines.

What they did to me

Some people had done some pretty awful things to me and I really needed to express it. As I'm not much good at writing about my own feelings, I expressed it in a more visual way. Torn tissue paper, magazine pieces, words from books, magazines etc.

A family of characters

Again, inspired by Stampotique. I didn't have much to say via the written word but, felt that I wanted to be doing something. I wanted to make a 'family' of my characters. Haven't done parents, don't think I will do. I like these characters and think I will use them in the future quite a lot.

42

Ok, anyone who knows Douglas Adams knows about 42. This is about choosing a number, word, expression, something that has some importance to you. It can be hard to find the initial start point but, once you do, it speaks off into other directions. It can be a certain phrase you use a lot eg, This is true, every man for himself, Everybody Lies (Dr. House). Then, use it to stimulate other thoughts about how it fits into your life.

Hidden message

I wanted to try to put a hidden message in a piece. There are hidden words, sentences, messages throughout this page. Most are hidden behind the 'wings' of the dragonfly but, there are others as well. I liked this, it's like having your own secret code. You know where things are, nobody else does.

I wish....

This one was really difficult to do.
I wish........ Things I wish for. Some of them were what you might expect, no more sadness, love, that kind of thing but, then there's total honesty. However shallow or, bad it might appear to be to anyone else, this is for YOU remember. Mine was 'I wish I was beautiful'. Shallow it might seem to some but, to me it's a wish I have always harboured and kept secret because I felt it would be viewed as shallow. Hard to do but, cathartic.

What I know to be true

A list of things I know to be true.
This is fun to do. It also allows you to express how YOU see the world, what YOU know to be true, it doesn't matter if the rest of the world agrees. If you KNOW it to be true that yellow jelly-babies are the worst thing ever to be invented then, it goes down here, It doesn't matter how daft, strong, silly, angry, upsetting it is. This is YOUR list of things you KNOW to be true. Nobody in the world might agree with you but, that does not matter. This is your list. As always, I wanted it to look nice so, done in an arty fashion. It ca be simply a list but, that's not me!

Hope

I was feeling a little better when I did this page. I felt more positive and that I had hope ahead of me and wanted to show how that felt. Things weren't all good, as shown by the raindrops but, the hope kept them off me. I was getting used to using my self-portrait more and more and I was more comfortable with it.

What now?

During the time I did this, there was a huge amount of uncertainty in my life so, I spent a lot of time questioning, with no answers available. There was very much a waiting game which I found extremely difficult and expressed repeatedly. This was a collage, gel pens for written words, cuttings from magazines etc. It shows that I really didn't know what to do, where to go, what to do. It's OK to be unsure - but, for me, it was so unfamiliar, usually being someone who insists on being in control for the majority of the time.

Uncertainty

Using my self-portrait, i wanted to express how I was feeling about where I was at that time, and how uncertain I was of the future. I'm not that good at writing in prose so, using pictures to express how I am feeling is so much better for me.
This feels very 'tight' and wound up when I look at it, exactly how I felt at the time. I do like it though, it draws me back to look at it lots.

Insecurity

This one, although appearing to be cheerful was mostly about some of my insecurities - why do people love me? Or, do they? There were little messages written to my husband and son and glued in-between the open hearts.
I found this one hard as I like to cover a page so, open, uncoloured or unpainted bits were hard for me to deal with! This is a page I think I will be drawn back to to modify over time.

Stuck for a subject?

If you're stuck for something to write about, a good source of inspiration is a random image. I found this one of a woman with very obvious teardrops. I wanted to incorporate it into an arty page too. So, I started with the image and imagined a story around it. I called it Veronica, and only planned to write one page around it but, ended up doing a part 2, there may well be a part 3, 4, 5........ who knows? It ended up, in some ways being autobiographical but, had enough of a distance for me to be able to let things out without becoming upset or angry.

Book Review

This might seem an odd thing to put into a Journal but, I felt that I had nothing to say but, wanted to do soemthing. I needed a focus. So, I decided to write about my favourite book. This was difficult as I have 4 but, I wrote about them all, why they were important, how they made me feel, and I did a couple of small pictures to illustrate them. This turned out to be really enjoyable and made me want to go out and read them all all over again! Journal pages don't always have to be angst ridden or, joy-laden. They can simply just say things about you! The purple background was, well, because I love purple and the gel pens - do I really need to say it?

This is me

This was a REALLY, really difficult page to complete and I had to get help to do it. I drew a full sized self-portrait - it doesn't have to be. I then coloured around it in coloured pencils. Then, I wanted to write words that describe me - the real me. I did all of mine then asked my husband to offer a few. My husband and son had a whale of a time, and asked me to read my words out. Mine were mostly negative - theirs were positive. I hadn't realised this, I just felt that I was being honest about myself but, acknowledging your positives is as important as facing the negatives.

Self-portrait

EEEk, one of the most scary things to do but, also one of the most useful ones. I HATE photos of mysef. I HATE looking in a mirror so, trying to draw something that looks exactly like me fills me with horror. However, after years of doodling, drawing and looking at images, the Stampotique stamps inspired a style in me that I really, really liked. I therefore tried a self-portrait in that kind of style. Remarkably, it looks somewhat like me or, at least I feel it does, and in a way that I am happy with.
GEL PEN - again. I think one of the reasons that I like gel pen is that if you make a mistake, you have to live with it or, incorporate it into your drawing. It stops that obsession with perfection that people tend to have with drawing and allows more focus on the overall picture.

Road Block

This started with me just testing out a load of new stamps that I had received, wanting to see how they looked. When I'd done, I realised I'd not done them in any kind of pattern, not made them look attractive but, I wanted to do something with them. I was feeling at that time as though every road I took to anything was blocked, like I could not find a way out. The finished version reflected this labyrinthine feel of my life.

Colourful Zentangle

A colourful zentangle. I wanted to fiddle with the use of colour in this. I was feeling positive when doing this so, again, expansive, open pictures, with my signatures there too, eyes, dragonflies............. GEL PENS!!!!!!